Wednesday, May 26, 2010

the most beautiful constellation that changes all the time.

so i know it's been a looong while since i last posted. i've had my bone marrow transplant. if you want the details of that endeavor, you should take a look at my mothers blog. it's got more of the details of the complications. and believe me, there were complications. i came out with a clot in my jugular, along with a bunch of other things, i got veno-occlusive disease for a week. gained and lost 20kg over the course of 2 weeks. had at least 2 mini strokes. to put it simply, it was nothing short of a roller coaster ride. I've gotten at least 2 things from this though. 1st of all, I'm still alive, and presumably cancer free. which i am eternally grateful for. second of all, something inside me broke in all this, and i am a different person. i can't explain it really. except that i don't get mad. instead, i get sad. i don't keep bad things in anymore. i let them out. that's the best explanation i can give.

Friday, January 8, 2010

airships fill the sky

(picture by Jakob Montrasio )
hey kids. it's that time again. i've fallen a little behind updating this puppy. but i'll try to keep you in the know. um... let's see. got a central line infection. they pulled it. put me on more antibiotics than I thought possible. but other than that, things have been good. yeah. and even that wasn't very bad. on the plus side, i've discovered the wonderfulness that is logic pro. so i've sample cutting to my little hearts content. i daresay in the next few weeks some new tracks should rear their ugly heads over at soundcloud... so keep your ear to the ground...
oh and great free music for you. if you're into that: i think my favorite is the peter kirn track. but listen for yourself. make up your own mind...

Friday, December 25, 2009


it's christmas. i'm at home. white count still below 1. so i can't really go anywhere. but it's nice to be home. have to go back to the hospital tomorrow for bloodwork. but all in all, i'm doing pretty ok. I'll write more tomorrow?


Sunday, December 20, 2009

finally got the first of my leucovorin last night. just the got to get the rest of the methotrexate out of my system now, and hopefully i can be home for christmas. yeah... i get some asparaginase today. fun fun. luckily no 30 weeks of it this time. I won't miss that. or anything else that came with it.
anyway. all in all, things are going pretty good. not really feeling that sick. (knock on wood) kind of feel like i'm cheating being in here with all these people who are actually sick. and i feel like i'm that much the wiser since this is my second time around. and i have my music this time. last time i just kind of stared at the ceiling. i think. i don't really know what i did. anyway. um.... this dosen't seem to be going anywhere. so i'll just leave you to whatever you were doing before you started reading this.

caio for now.


Saturday, December 19, 2009

it's because we've got hair.

so lucky me. my PH level has not fallen below 6.5, which is good, cause that would be bad. the "litre'o'MTX" and associated fluids has kept me getting up each and every two hours, which is was as bad as i had maybe thought it might be. the metallic taste is back, which of course is always welcome. no mouth sores yet. knock on wood. i've got a song going on that i am relatively pleased with. we shall see how it progresses. right now it's fighting to be an ambient piece, but i'm not sure that's what i really had in mind for it. anyway. in another 16.5 hours i get my leucovorin. and then on sunday, some asparaginase. Never had a reaction yet, and i'd like to keep it that way. well. i guess that's all for now. peace out, and remember, it's because we've got hair.

I should add as a side note. i've been through this more than once. nothing is taboo. if have a question. ask. really. i mean it. yes you.

Friday, December 18, 2009

my only offer

ohhh... today has been uneventful so far. moved to a new room. got doxorubicin yesterday. today is "litre'o'MTX" day. they come in with a huge massive bottle of mtx and 36 hours later, after checking my ph every 4 hours, they give me leucovorin. helps me not to die....
anyway. that's always fun, i'll start that in a few hours. so yeah.. nothing but fun. on a lighter note, my new room is nice. got my own shower. definitely a plus.
on a musical note. sibelius works great. and so ableton suite. both wonderful addtions to my music making tools. still want to get max for live though. I love max. um... yeah. keep an ear on my soundcloud. with any luck, thanks to the interaction between Live and Sibelius, i'll have a new track up soon....

in the meantime, here is some mates of state for your listening pleasure. you will love it. i promise.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Songs, Stories and Magical Words.

So there are enough people enquiring after my welfare that it seems meet that I blow the cobwebs of this cracked and dusty blog.

Today is the 17th of December. Yesterday I got my CVC(central venous catheter). That was fun. not really. it wasn't painful though. my neck is sore today. go figure. anyway. had my first chemo yesterday. doxorubicin, vincristine, and a little bit of prednisone. felt gross, as it alot of chemo. anyway. enough about sickness. I figured since i'm sick i might as well do what i've wanted so i spent some money and bought sibelius and ableton suite so i have better tools for making music. if you want to see some of my music you can check it out here i'll be posting tracks from time to time, should you feel so inclined to visit. anyway feel free to comment, or send me a facebook message. never been huge fan of wall posts though. anway. caio for now.